Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that it is a sign of love. The abuser will question the victim about who they talk to, accuse them of flirting, or be jealous of time spent with their friends, family, or children. The abuser may refuse to let the victim work or go to school for fear of meeting someone else. The abuser may call the victim frequently or drop by unexpectedly.
One partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions. This includes “checking up” on the victim, timing a victim when they leave the house, checking the odometer on the car, questioning the victim about where they go. They may also check the victim’s cell phone for call history, their email or website history. The abuser may control the finances and tries to tell the victim how to dress, who to talk to, and where to go.
The abuser will attack you for being on social media with blanket accusations you are doing something wrong, only to gain more control over you as a partner. You may start to question yourself, your everyday patterns only to please this person you think you love.
The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before.” Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense, passionate and overwhelming.
Abusers expect their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect.” They may say things like “If you love me, then I’m all you need”. The abuser will tell you that you are their world, but then five seconds later tear your self esteem apart to make you feel incredibly vulnerable. The abuser expects you to worship the quicksand he or she walks in.
The abuser tries to keep the victim from friends and family by putting down everyone the victim knows, including their family and friends. They may keep the victim from going to work or school or make you feel guilty about having contact with friends or family. Many abuser tears down your friendships by picking your friends apart accusing them of not liking your abusive partner.
The abuser does not take responsibility for their problems, blaming others (usually the victim) for almost everything (“you made me mad”). It is always “your fault.”
An abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack and blows things out of proportion.
Cruelty to Animals or Children
The abuser may punish animals brutally or be insensitive to their pain. They may have unfair expectations of children or tease them until they cry.
The abuser says cruel and harmful things to their victim, degrades them, curses at them, calls them names, or puts down their accomplishments. Then at times brings you back up with empty apologies. The abuser tells their victims they are stupid, fat, unwanted and unable to function without them. They can embarrass and put down the victim in front of others as well. It’s a terrible game of psychological manipulation that can happen to any of us from all levels of intellect.
Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde
The abuser experiences severe mood swings and the victim may think the abuser has a mental health problem. One minute they can be charming and sweet and the next minute they become angry and explosive. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners.
Past History of Battering
The abuser has a history of past battering of partners and although they may admit to that, they say their previous partner provoked them to do it. A batterer may beat any partner they are with if the person is with them long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not cause a person to have an abusive relationship.
Use of Violence and Threats of Violence
Violence can include holding the victim down, restraining them from leaving the room or pushing, shoving or holding them against a wall.
Abusers may also throw or break objects as a punishment (breaking treasured possessions), but throwing or breaking objects mostly used to terrorize the victim into submission. The abuser may break or strike objects near the victim to frighten them.
Threats of violence include any threat or physical force meant to control the victim: “I’ll kill you”, “I’ll break your neck,” “If you ever leave, I’ll kill you.”
These are very serious relationship #redflags. Don’t tolerate abusive partners. Stand up for your worth and know legal assistance is available throughout every community in Georgia to help you.
If you are experiencing a domestic violence emergency call 911 first!
Call 678-316-5000 for more information.
#Know your worth